Written by Jeff Lewis, Stepping Stones Volunteer
Like others who finally decide to call Stepping Stones for help, Julie was most concerned for her baby son because of the unstable life she was leading to keep them both away from an abusive father.
“I was homeless and running from domestic abuse.” During that time, she was able to take her baby son to a doctor for basic health care, but some developments for him, like learning to crawl, did not take place when it normally would. “We were staying in abandoned buildings, so I was always on the go, and I either had him strapped to me, or I was holding him going place to place running from my son’s dad. My son didn’t have the freedom of learning how to play, and he was always clinging to me.”
Julie wanted the best for her son but she was afraid of losing him and didn’t know where to turn. All of that began to change when she turned to Stepping Stones. There, like so many others, Julie and her son were welcomed and given safety, shelter, support, hope and everything else she needed to help her turn her life around.
“They brought me into the shelter. That’s when I began to see the transformation in my son. I got to see him crawling and playing and being a kid. He was able to verbalize and express how he really felt for the first time. I got to see him run, climb, play with toys and talk to me more than when we were out on the streets. You could see in his face that he was starting to light up. Even his eyes changed.”
At the shelter, he began to cling less to his mother and even have normal childhood tantrums. “Having someplace safe to be, he did act out. He started having tantrums, which he didn’t have before, but I realized it was because he finally felt he was in a safe spot.”
“It was like his color came out. He started expressing himself. I started seeing his character for the first time. And that woke me up to realize the damage that was happening to his development while we were on the streets.”
While Julie was on the streets trying to stay away from her son’s abusive father, her ten-year-old daughter was staying with Julie’s mother because Julie felt it was too much of a risk for a young girl to be with her in a homeless situation. Once Julie was safe at Stepping Stones, her daughter was able to come and visit.
After Julie was able to move on from the shelter and get an apartment, she and her daughter and son were able to all live together. But there were issues that mother and daughter needed to work on because it had been a few years since they had lived together. “When we got back together, my daughter withdrew from me because she didn’t know how to deal with the loss of me while we were separated, so she shut down. Still to this day, she’s working through that.”
After all the trauma they had each been through, creating healthy family dynamics has taken considerable effort. Julie says the tools she learned at Stepping Stones, like forgiveness, boundaries and ownership of your own actions have made a big difference for her children. “I want them to think, not just act. We talk things out but if someone is too upset at the moment, when they’re ready, we’ll sit down and talk. Forgiveness and ownership are also key to making it all work as a family.”
As a high schooler, Julie’s daughter is making good decisions about friendships and when she should trust someone. “She sees my healthy boundaries and that they work. She likes to help and encourage other kids, but at the same time she knows how to keep boundaries. She recognizes that if certain peers are not encouraging and uplifting you, well that’s not someone you need in your life.”
Her daughter feels secure within their home and now she wants to get a job and start working to help support the family. In her future, she would like to become a veterinarian or perhaps farming.
As for her son in his preteen years, he has already joined The Young Marines, a national program for youths who want to work hard, lead with integrity, and grow into strong confident leaders. He wants to join the U.S. Marines to serve his country, and then he wants to use his military benefits to go to college. He tells his mom, “When I buy a house I want you to come and live with me.”
“I’m very proud of their goals in life.” Julie says a lot of what she learned at Stepping Stones about improving her life, she has worked to pass on to her children.
Helping others to get the help that she received at Stepping Stones is also something that Julie would like to do someday.
But for Julie, today is enough. “When my daughter tells me, mom I love you, just hearing that and all three of us sitting down and watching TV, holding each other and safe, that’s great!”
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