A note from Stepping Stones: This is a special reflection from Tabatha after she completed her time in safe shelter and transitional housing. Her lessons feature what happens when families do the hard work needed to change their lives and live free from abuse.
My time at Stepping Stones has been a journey of deep healing, uncomfortable truths, and powerful self-discovery. The lessons I’ve learned here didn’t come easily—but they’ve shaped me in ways that will last a lifetime. Here are just a few of them.
1. Communication Instead of Defensive Arguments
One of the first and most difficult lessons was learning to communicate rather than react defensively. In a life filled with trauma, it’s easy to fall into the habit of protecting yourself with anger or silence. But I’ve learned that true communication means listening to understand, not just to respond. It means sharing my truth without attacking or shutting down. And through that, real connection and resolution are possible.
2. Victim Mentality Only Destructs Any Effort You Make to Heal
Acknowledging my pain was necessary—but clinging to the identity of a victim kept me stuck. I learned that while I wasn’t responsible for what happened to me, I am responsible for my healing. Healing required courage, ownership, and the willingness to stop blaming others and start doing the hard internal work. Letting go of the victim mentality opened the door to real empowerment.
3. Communal Living Isn’t Easy, but It Teaches You Everything
Living closely with others who are also hurting is not easy. It challenges your patience, your empathy, and your boundaries. But it also teaches you teamwork, mutual respect, and emotional resilience. Within the community, I learned how to coexist, to support others without losing myself, and to receive help when I needed it most. These are life skills I will carry with me always.
4. Trust Is a Gift That Can Never Be Earned, Only Given
I used to believe people had to earn my trust—but I’ve come to realize that trust isn’t transactional. It’s a choice, a gift we offer because we choose to believe in someone. That doesn’t mean ignoring red flags or abandoning boundaries, but it does mean allowing others the chance to show up, just as I hoped to be given that same chance. Trust starts with the courage to be vulnerable.
5. If You Keep Doing What You’ve Always Done, You’ll Keep Getting What You’ve Always Gotten
This simple truth broke open everything for me. Patterns don’t change unless I do. No amount of wishing or hoping could fix my life without action. I had to challenge my habits, my thoughts, and my coping mechanisms. Growth came when I stepped outside my comfort zone and tried new ways of thinking, reacting, and living.
6. I Am Stronger Than I Ever Realized
I’ve survived things I never thought I could. But beyond surviving, I’ve learned that I am capable of thriving. My strength isn’t just in what I’ve endured—it’s in my ability to feel deeply, love fully, and keep going even when the road is hard. I don’t need anyone else to tell me I’m strong. I know I am.
7. I Don’t Rely on Anyone’s Opinion About Me—Only That of God
Learning to disconnect my worth from others’ opinions was a game changer. People may judge, misunderstand, or walk away. But God sees me fully. My identity is rooted in something greater than fleeting approval. That has given me peace, confidence, and clarity in who I am.
8. I Am a Great Mom
Despite my past, my mistakes, and my doubts—I am a good mother. I love my kids, I show up, and I keep learning how to do better for them. That’s what matters. I’ve learned to forgive myself and focus on the present. My children don’t need perfection; they need me, healthy and whole.
9. I Am a Great Friend
I don’t allow just anyone into my circle anymore; access to my heart, my time, and my energy is earned through mutual respect, not given out of obligation or guilt. I’ve also learned how to set boundaries, speak the truth in love, and hold space for others without losing myself. I bring value to the lives of those I care about and surround myself with—and that’s something I’m proud of.
10. I Have Value That Supersedes My Ability to Please Others
For a long time, I thought my worth came from how giving, useful, agreeable, or “nice” I was to others. Now, I know I have value simply because I exist. I don’t need to shrink, overextend, or exhaust myself to be enough. I am enough—just as I am.
11. I Am in Charge of My Future and Responsible for My Life Choices
This is the most freeing and terrifying truth of all. My future is mine to shape. No one else is responsible for my healing, my happiness, or my growth. And while that responsibility can be heavy, it is also sacred. I get to choose how I live, how I love, and how I rise.
These lessons are not just reflections—they are my truth. They are the foundation I now stand on as I step forward into my life, one choice at a time. I am not the same person who walked into Stepping Stones. I am wiser, stronger, and more grounded in who I am, what I’m capable of, and what I am worth.
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If you or someone you know needs support because of domestic violence or other forms of abuse, call our 24/7/365 Helpline at 928-445-HOPE (445-4673).
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