A note from Stepping Stones: Teresa’s story is a special feature that exemplifies the hard work and dedication we see everyday in the adults who work with our advocates.
“I always thought that abuse was someone hitting you, someone pushing you. I didn’t realize there were so many types of abuse and that I was living them.”
Teresa had a good childhood with loving parents and siblings, but she always felt like the “black sheep” of the family. “I didn’t like school. I got involved with drugs and alcohol when I was 12. I met all the wrong people in high school.”
Then when Teresa was 16, she met her husband. “He was six years older than me, and I thought he was everything because he was older and he had a house. We did a lot of drinking together. I don’t think I really got to know him though because I just thought I was in love.”
Soon they had packed their bags and moved away together. They partied and enjoyed the “honeymoon” of their new relationship. Unfortunately, things began changing when they started fighting. After a few years, they moved to help take care of his children from a previous relationship.
“I’m 22, living with his two kids, taking on a mom role, and it was ok for a little bit. Then things kept getting harder and we fought a lot. Finally, at one point, he actually asked me to marry him, and I thought everything was going to be great.”
Their relationship wasn’t improving so they called off the wedding, but they stayed together and she became pregnant. “I thought this was a sign. At the very end of my pregnancy, we eloped.” Teresa loved being a mom and it seemed like her situation was getting better. “We both completely stopped drinking. Everything felt perfect.”
A few years later, her relationship took a turn for the worse. “After my second child was born, he started drinking, going out a lot, and using. It was a nightmare. I never knew where he was at night. I didn’t even speak to my family because he didn’t want me to have any contact with them.”
Devastated by what her life had become, Teresa decided to leave her husband. She tried to get away, “But, I didn’t know he had put a device on my car to track me.” She ended up staying and they continued down their destructive path. He was using drugs and bringing strangers into their home, while she continued drinking to try to feel in control of something in her life.
Teresa decided to leave again for the safety of her children. Feeling safe enough to pick up some belongings, she went there and he gave her restraining order paperwork. Law enforcement removed the children from her custody because of her alcohol use, ignoring their father’s own drug abuse.
“After they took the kids away from me, I remember going to a store and buying a couple bottles of whiskey. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to do anything.”
Her family attempted to get her help, but she continued to struggle. “I didn’t have any contact with my kids. I had to do a program, I had to be tested, I needed to see a therapist. In the meantime he’s got strange people coming in the house and is using drugs. Everyone believed him over me.”
Eventually, their divorce was finalized and she was able to have visitation with her kids again. But they continued to see each other because of her hope that they would be able to work through things.
“We started going to church together as a family. We started going to AA together. We were going to fix each other. We were going to make our family work. I forgot about everything.”
When a family tragedy happened, they both fell back into unhealthy behaviors and substance abuse. “We were fighting and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was drinking every single day. He started hanging out with his old friends and using. I never knew what he was going to do or say. He began tracking my car again. I started parking directly in front of the store, and I had to keep time, like, ‘Okay, I got there at 2:00 and I have to be out of there by 2:20.’”
“I stopped volunteering at school because if I was there too long, he would accuse me. The name calling and put downs were the worst. I felt worthless and had absolutely no self-esteem.” After many threats, he kicked Teresa out of their home. She ended up coming to Stepping Stones.
“I had no car and no money. Everything was gone. I didn’t have my kids. I didn’t really get out of bed and wasn’t used to a routine. I didn’t want to go to support groups. I really thought I was just going to wake up and get a call from him and I was going to go back home. I felt all alone. I was really scared.”
“I started learning things in the support groups at the shelter. I always thought that abuse was someone hitting you, someone pushing you. I didn’t realize there were so many types of abuse and that I was living them. I was sick of the mental abuse. I was tired of feeling horrible. I always thought if I could fix my appearance, he would be happier. I realized being in this program that there’s nothing wrong with me.”
While living at the shelter, Teresa worked on her own recovery and addressed the parts of her life that she could control. “I’ve learned so much. It’s been really hard to let go of my home and old life, even the bad parts of it. I look back and remember what he has put me through. I admit I’m an alcoholic. I do turn to alcohol when I get really upset. But, I’ve gotten my own car, insurance, I pay for everything of my own now. I always thought I needed him. I’d been a stay at home mom. I never thought I was smart enough to do this on my own. It’s been an eye opener for me. I realize I can do it.”
Today, Teresa continues working hard to stay sober and heal from the abuse she experienced. “I have so many blessings. I’m thankful for all the advocates at the shelter. Now, I am responsible for everything I do. I want to continue to be independent. I look back at all these things I’ve been able to do with my kids, and I’m confident I can continue to be an amazing mom. It’s a little scary, but it’s ok.”
If you or someone you know needs support because of domestic violence or other forms of abuse, please call our advocates at 928-445-4673.
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