Stories From 45 Years of Service

The Rescue

Written by Shae 

I can’t tell you the details of how God led me to call the Stepping Stones Helpline that day. I can’t remember. When you live in fear, the mind betrays and memory has holes.  I can tell you… that call was the first step of my family’s rescue.    

A friend earnestly said to me 2 months earlier, “you know that’s domestic violence, don’t you?” I had again mustered the courage to tell what he did.  It had all been my fault since the beginning, and there were good times.  My brain did not know it yet, but denial was survival.  I had been hyper-vigilant, defensive, and hopeless for years. But now, my nervous system was completely broken.  I was “crazy” as my husband would repeatedly tell me.  The abuse and violence from this man trapped in sickness was crushing me.  I could not decipher truth from reality.  I have a master’s degree, shouldn’t I be able to figure this out?  My brain and body were constantly flooded with anxiety, in perpetual fight or flight, not knowing if we would be safe one day to the next.  The waters were rising around me. 

After another night of oppressing darkness, I managed to get out of bed and take a step toward the phone.   A kind, strong voice engaged me on the line.  Kathy put words to the behaviors I was experiencing, she validated what others had minimized.  It wasn’t ok. The white washed cliches I had heard time and again started to lose their power. I saw a tiny crack of light push its way through petrified stone.  During that 45 minute phone call the Stepping Stones advocate was a pivotal voice, giving me strength and choices for my next steps.  We left our big, beautiful home just a few hours later, my 3 children each with a backpack (bug-out packs that had been ready for months), me with a few essentials and important documents.  The waters, dark and high, seemed as if they would swallow us as I fled from years of bondage.

It was excruciating and messy as the layers of hard truth slowly peeled back. I had been saturated in lies for so long.  My heart broke again and again as my beloved husband continued to refuse to get help. He filed for divorce while I was homeless, surviving place to place, fervently praying he would choose sobriety and our family.  

The confused tattered souls of my beautiful children begged me, “Never Give Up” and gave me the strength to fight for their safety and stability.  Many would turn their backs on us, but angels were near.  I called the helpline again in the mess, grateful to hear Kathy‘s voice on the other end… encouragement, validation, resources, advocacy, steps to freedom.  I learned the vows I made did not erase my right to safety.  I learned about the cycle of abuse.  I learned my part, that enabling was not helping. Freedom from abuse was the legacy I must leave my children. Their wellbeing and future was non-negotiable. 

I can only fully tell my story from this side.  The waters did not overwhelm me.  I passed through. I continue to take steps in forgiveness and healing seven years later.  The stored trauma has no power.  Sometimes, I miss the days with my horses in the big barn, chickens about. I miss familiar footsteps across my sprawling Saltillo tile… but Peace beyond understanding overflows in place of sorrow.  I am standing and I know who I am.  I have a voice.   I can laugh and sing and travel again.  I am disorganized and forgetful, but constantly praying and praising.  I have a lovely little home, forever friends, and a good job.  I am often guided to trapped women who need truth spoken from a survivor in order to take a first step.   My three adult children are thriving in their education and work as they take steps toward their promises.  We struggle and move forward. We celebrate life together. 

I am repeatedly thankful for many empowering resources that divinely intersected, each playing a part in the rescue.  God put angels and truth-tellers in my life, dear friends holding me and my children along the way. I consider Kathy one of those brave truth-tellers that I will never be able to fully thank. Because of her, I learned I was not alone and I did not have to stay in violence.  My children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren will live free from abuse, violence, and addiction.  It was never the plan for my life, and it is not for theirs.  

I can’t tell you how God led me to call Stepping Stones that day, but I can tell you… it was the first step of my family’s rescue.

Isaiah 43:1-3
But now thus says the LORD, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel:  “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

Psalm 18:18-19
They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me.